"Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world." James 1:27
God's will. We say it all the time. "This was God's will for my life". "It was God's will for this to happen."
How do we know God's will for our lives?
"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." James 1:5
Seek God. Seek His voice. Pray without ceasing. Stay in the word, and give God ALL control.
A year ago, I thought I knew God's will for my life at that moment. I was starting to really seek after something that I said I had heard God clearly tell me to do. I had decided I wanted to be a foster parent. At 30 years old, with no husband, I had decided it was God's good and perfect will for my life to take in children who needed to be loved on, and needed a place to call home for a while.
I prayed. I read scripture. I had other people praying for me. I got prepared. I went to classes. I got licensed. Then something much clearer came to me. "This is not what I have planned for you."
What God?
I had done all of this work, only to be told this was not what I was supposed to be doing. To be honest? I was at peace with that answer.
You see, last year when I was praying about fostering I was praying about it by telling God what I was going to do...I have this yearning inside me to be a mother. I desire with all that I am to mother. However, that was a prayer that was about me. MY WILL. Not God's. I thought I was listening to God's voice when I started taking my classes, but as time passed by it started to become more clear to me that maybe this was not what I was supposed to be doing. After all, I am single and it would be much harder to take care of a child by myself.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
Lean not on your own understanding.
I received my license on the very same day that my mother passed away. So as I was finishing up what I thought was God's plan for my life, a curve ball came around the corner and knocked the wind out of me. Fostering took a back seat. I stopped focusing on being a foster mom. I stopped looking at adoptuskids.org
I stopped wanting to be a foster mom.
I don't think the events that happened really have anything to do with my realization that it's not for me...I just think it was something that distracted me from what I thought I should be doing
Then I read a book by Chelsea Sobolik called "Longing for motherhood"--I had conversations with someone very important in my life--and I came to the realization that my desire to be a mother is already being fulfilled by being an aunt and a teacher.
I can be a spiritual mother to the kids already in my life.
I have been that for a long time, but to me it wasn't "mothering" it was just...being the cool aunt and teacher.
God's will is something that I think we try to say in our lives, but we don't pay attention to the reality that it truly may not be God's will. We try to find scripture that says we're listening to God. We pray for our own wills, however what we don't realize is that God will make clear HIS will in HIS timing and in HIS own way.
Fostering is not something I'm going to do. At one point I even said I was just putting it on the back burner until I could get my life together. I said I can't take care of a broken child while I was broken. The thing is, we're all broken. We're all struggling with something whether it's big or small. If we wait for our lives to be perfect to be a foster parent or a parent, we'll never do it. What I realized in reality was that God had taken that desire away from me. It's not something I'm just putting on hold, it's something that I personally just do not desire to do anymore. It's something that I commend people for doing, but as a single 31 year old woman I don't see it as what I should do.
Pay attention to God and what HIS will is--things will work out the way He wants them to. Sometimes it ends up being what YOU wanted--but sometimes it's the complete opposite of what you thought it would be, and that is okay.
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