God Only Knows

"God only knows what you've been through
God only knows what they say about you
God only knows how it's killing you
But there's a kind of love that God only knows
God only knows what you've been through
God only knows what they say about you
God only knows the real you
There's a kind of love that God only knows"~For King and Country

This past Saturday I had the grand opportunity to go to Kings Dominion and attend Kingsfest with some of my favorite people. I was able to ride some amazing rides, but ultimately we were able to see some of our favorite bands and worship Jesus in this pavilion with hundreds, if not thousands, of other believers. It was beautiful. 

We saw Burlap to Cashmere, Building 429, Crowder, and For King and Country...my favorite being For King and Country. They have so many songs with such strong meaning to them. When they worship, they WORSHIP. It's beautiful. 

I wish I could explain the feeling that overcame me when I looked around and saw so many people's hands raised in Worship. I thought "this is what Heaven's going to be like"...

One of my favorite songs by For King and Country is "God only knows". You see I talked in my first post about all the things I've been through this past year...but man God is still the only one who knows the depth of the pain I felt in 2018. 2019 so far has been a redemptive year. The song "God only knows" talks about how we can't truly hide from God what we're going through because in the end He's the only one who truly knows...but HE is the one who can rescue us from all of that!

I post all of this to say...Heaven is going to be beautiful, and one day we will all worship before our amazing Father...and we will praise Him...and these things in our life that God only knows about will be gone and He will be there before us ready to welcome us in!

Finding Rest in Jesus

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."~Matthew 11:28

I've had this blog for a few years now. I've written posts, and deleted them. Written more posts, and deleted those too--I want to come to a place where I'm writing to an audience who reads my blogs, and is in pursuit of a deep relationship with Jesus, just as I am. 
And if you're not in that pursuit--I pray you will come to that point. 
You see, most of my other posts were written from a "me" perspective. What is God doing FOR me. Not "What is God doing in my life" and "how can I best serve Him". 
And maybe this first post here, as I re-build my blog, will still kind of be from a "Me" perspective...but it's about God and His grace and How He's rescued me FROM me!

Let's start out by saying this past school year...my 6th year as a teacher....was THE MOST DIFFICULT year of my life. Why? Because I was not seeking Jesus like I should have been. I was not resting in who I was in Jesus--and because the enemy was on full prowl in my life. 

I started out the year having people pray for my students. I forgot one important element in that. I should have also had people praying for me as their teacher. 

Instead I started the school year off pretty rough--and it continued to go down hill. 

My first big bump in the road was a wisdom tooth infection that knocked me out of work for a little while, causing me to have to have wisdom tooth surgery, and keeping me out of work even longer. 
Then came my anxiety and depression. After a few years of remission, it reared it's ugly head back into my life at full swing. It didn't just creep in and give me a warning--it didn't just hit a grounder to first base...it swung as hard as it could, and flew over the fences. Anxiety to the point I didn't want to go to school. Depression to the point, I cut myself off from people. Why? 


I wasn't giving God control. 
So over and over again I'd pick myself up and I'd go to work, only to miss a day or two here and there. Only to take more xanax than necessary. I was NOT seeking out God in the midst of this. Instead I was digging a hole, deeper and deeper, until it seemed impossible to get out. 


This caused me to not be present as the teacher I needed to be. 

Then life took another curve ball. My Mom suddenly passed away from a massive heart attack. 
Life came to a sudden halt as the woman who gave me life was no longer present. I didn't allow myself to grieve as I should and I closed myself off to emotion. What in the world would I do without my daily "arguments" or weekly coffee? I'd have to survive and move on. 

Then came news that I was going to have to have surgery to remove my ovary--and all of a sudden life started to take a new turn. How in the world could a surgery like that cause life to turn to a positive direction? Because I finally had to slow down. Not only that, I had to be in prayer because to be honest the idea of losing my whole ovary after already losing one when I was 19 was a little saddening to me...it would mean no babies for me. Then right before my surgery, a friend came along who offered to stay with me the night of my surgery--and this friendship took a whole new blooming effect as we really got to know each other, and God placed in my life a motherly figure that I needed. 

So came my surgery--where my Dr. told me she would be doing her best to save my ovary. And what happened? A portion was saved! The idea of not having babies went out the window! Praise the Lord!

This surgery caused me to miss another week of work which caused more dissension between myself and my students. I had not been the teacher they needed...and it was felt. 

However this lady God placed in my life became someone who spoke WISDOM into my life and who started to really pray for me and who started to tell me that I still had time to make amends as a teacher. 

So I did my best. 

With all that I was I tried hard to spend the rest of the school year being the teacher who my students needed. Of course I'd not been there as I needed to be so snide remarks from parents still came. But I was slowly becoming who I needed to be. 

The school year ended, and while I was going to get a summer job to keep myself busy--I decided what was best was that I stay home and really truly find my rest in Jesus. I needed to rejuvenate and take hold of my life again. 

What's been left out of all this is that I also joined a new church community who has loved on me and taught me all about what community is. And the friends I've made there have agreed it is best I take time for me and the Lord. 

So here I sit a few weeks into summer...already feeling rested because I've spent my time in the word, and learning about who Jesus is again. I'm resting in the Lord. And He is showing me HIS strength for me when I am weak. It's a beautiful process. 

So I want to spend time on this blog really rejoicing in who God is and sharing His work in my life. I want to give all the glory to who God is and ultimately how He can bring us all out of the lowest points in our lives!

If you've read this much and you want to follow along, please do! Let's give God the glory together!