Thursday, May 12, 2016

Where to begin with all of this?

"These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

God is bringing me home. Has brought me home. He is teaching and refining my life in the most glorious ways. In the past 5 years I have lived my life the way I wanted to. The first 23 years of my life I was raised by the most Godly woman I had ever met in my life. She took me to church every Sunday and Wednesday--she held me to standards that were painful. She was my Grandma. She was my best friend, and anything she expected of me I was going to do because I never in anyway wanted to hurt her. 
Even though she was raising me in church I had struggled with this idea of belief in a God who wasn't physical. I struggled with this idea that the word of God was the only true and right way. I had all of this knowledge of the Bible, but I also had knowledge of the world. 
On July 11, 2011 my Grandma died very suddenly. Although she was in the hospital and had been very sick, I had just spoken with her the day before and she was improving. She was supposed to be moving to a room soon, and then she would have been preparing for open heart surgery. She didn't make it that far. She died of a blood clot in the lung that burst. When she passed away I felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. My entire world crashed. With my world went my faith. I no longer wanted to believe that there was a God who was over my life...not when This GODLY woman had suffered and died a painful death. He took her from me and I was mortified. 
For the past 5 years I have run as far away as possible. I have looked to anything and everything for fulfillment. I found my worth in men. I found my worth in alcohol. I found my worth in toxic friendships that were only sucking the life out of me. 
I have had my fair share of struggles. There have been moments where God has shown a little bit in my life and I have ignored Him. 
I have been angry because I felt like He took the most precious things from me...but then my life took a turn. 
Last November I left my job in Greenville because of a very unhealthy work environment. I hated where I was. I didn't know how I would survive after the fact, but I knew I had to leave. From November 2014-January 2015 I struggled to pay bills, to live, to do anything. I was working a part time job and hoping I would make it. In January of 2015 I received a message from a wonderful Principal who I've known since I was 14 asking if I would like to come interview at my former middle school. At the time I didn't want to leave Greenville, but it was an opportunity I knew I needed to take. 
In February I started teaching 6th grade at my former middle school, and in March I moved away from Greenville. 
And God's been working since. 
I've been blessed with a family who has taken me under their wing, who since the beginning of this school year have been trying their hardest to get me back in to church...and finally in March I stepped foot back into church. 
God's been working in me. Life has been a struggle. I am saved by Grace that has conquered all my sin. And He is creating something that will bring Him glory in due time. 
O how glorious our God is. O how blessed I am. I'm finding my peace. And He's making diamonds :)

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